This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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