hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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