so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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