So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
