Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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