i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We have started to decorate penises.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
