last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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