new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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