woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
