guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I want is dick and wine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
