she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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