Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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