Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
