god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
