totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
