So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
