Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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