i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
