i just wanna soil my oats bro
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My life is pants optional.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
