I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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