she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
