Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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