Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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