Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
