I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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