My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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