i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
