dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
