Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
