you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
