did you get engaged???
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The air was thick with penises
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
