it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
