he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
