Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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