he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
