so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
