I bet he comes in French.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
