when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
