the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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