Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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