def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
