And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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