I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
