fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
