Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish you could order shots online.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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