Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
