Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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