Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
two words...techno handjob
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
