Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
