You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
