i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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